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Ren's Bucket List
Before I die I want to...
Overcome A Fear
Technically, I've already checked this one off, but I thought I would add it anyway because it feels good to have finally conquered it! When I was 11 years old (February 2007), I saw the movie Agent Cody Banks for the first time. It was a movie that changed my life in a way that I never anticipated. And that was because the movie has a m*lting face (which, ironically, was caused by nanobots stored in an ice cube). In the days after my first viewing, I ruminated over the image and soon became extremely fearful of it, terrified that I would suffer the same fate if I wasn't careful. I refused to consume any ice and I was triggered by the word "m*lt" because it made me think of the image, allowing my mind to ruminate on it again. I got over my fear of ice ten months after seeing the movie, and it took me over two years after that for the triggering effects of the word to dissipate. At that point, I assumed I was over it, but then I began ruminating again after googling the image the night before my 15th birthday. I don't think I connected my depressive state at the time to the image possibly still being triggering, though - because a few months later, a family member made up a story in the midst of a game of Mafia that involved one of the other players' face m*lting off, and I was triggered all over again. From that point on, I refused to watch any movies with that image in it, and I also had dreams where they would sometimes show up, which was very distressing. About a decade later, I coined the term for this phobia after discovering that one didn't exist for it. This was able to happen with the help of my mom, who did the googling for possible existing terms and suggested "proposopotikophobia" when nothing came up; and a Wikipedia user on the phobias list talk page, who offered up a different, more accurate word: liomenoprosopophobia. Around the time that I coined the term, I started working on a website to help spread the word about it and possibly help other liomenoprosopophobes, which was published this (2022) past February. So far, it just has helpful info, but I'm hoping I can finish the section on media warnings so that I can give liomenoprosopophobes a safe way to navigate watching movies and TV shows - and put the control back in their hands. The night before creating this list item, I finally overcame my fear. I'm regular marijuana user, and I was high on a hybrid edible that night. I had tried imagining the image while I was high before, but I'd only sort of dipped my toe in the water that time. It was surprisingly a good experience because it actually made more stoned, so I decided it to do it again - this time not holding back mentally at all. I didn't actively seek out the imagery like I did the night before my 15th birthday - it was all just in my head - but it did feel amazing to let go, and afterwards I felt like a badass superhero, ready to help others because I had proven to myself that I could face it. Ren